AWA Member Spotlight: Cynthia Muthyala

by Devika Misra

Our Assistant AWA Magazine Editor Cynthia Muthyala has recently crossed a milestone. It’s not a birthday or an anniversary…not even the birth of a child…Well, maybe it is in some ways.

Cynthia has just set up a coaching practice as a freelance ADHD Coach and her focus is on adult women, a segment, that has traditionally been under diagnosed and untreated.

She met Devika Misra recently to talk about embarking on this new venture which is very much a First for her.

Devika Misra with Cynthia Muthyala

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DM: “You’re an expat and this is the first time you’ll be working here in a professional capacity.  How easy is it to set up a small business in Singapore?”

CM: “It's not as easy as it is in the US, it's different. If you're a local Singaporean, it makes it a lot easier. If you're PR, it makes it a lot easier, and I'm neither one of those. As a solopreneur, if I had gone the “Letter of Consent” route on a dependent visa, I would have to hire a Singaporean employee within the first year for three months, pay them $1,600 a month, and contribute to their CPF. That makes it difficult when you're a solopreneur because you're only working for yourself, I’m a one-woman show. So I now have a PTE-LTD. It's a private limited company and I have an LOC under the Pte Ltd. This is how I’m able to run the business.”

DM: “Do you find a difference in the way ADHD is understood here compared to the United States?“

CM: “I think that in Singapore, it's still seen as a little bit of a stigma. It's starting to change. It's just slower than it is in the U.S. I think in the U.S. it's just more accepted. It is slowly becoming accepted here, but it's taking a bit more time. The biggest challenge is removing the stigma. In the past and maybe somewhat today, having ADHD was seen as a character flaw, or an over diagnosed fad, or an excuse for laziness rather than a legitimate neurodevelopmental condition. The good thing is that recently, this past August, the Straits Times did an article about offering learning support and coaches at the six universities here”. (Straits Times: Support Groups, learning Coaches and More.” link: https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/parenting-education/support-groups-learning-coaches-universities-doing-more-for-special-needs-students ) I think that this article was definitely an amazing step forward for Singapore. It is starting to set the tone. I do think that there is much pressure in the local community to not share with people that your kids have any sort of challenge. You can't share that they have dyslexia, for example, due to misunderstanding, or fear of judgment.  Others view this as lack of intelligence, or effort, leading to judgement.”

DM: Cynthia points out much of the locally available ADHD support has been focussed on children, particularly young boys.

CM: “Usually when you think of ADHD, you think of a six-year-old boy who just cannot sit still. And for men, it tones down as they become adults, but there's still disorganization and time management issues, but it's not as prevalent. In women, it was often missed because it was overshadowed by other things, We've always been taught that we have to do it all, right? We have to be nice, we have to be available, we have to do more, and we have to take on more because our husbands are working and, you know, it becomes a lot. And I think it hasn't been seen immediately because we've been masking. And we're super great at masking. So what do we do? We overcompensate, we strive for perfectionism, and after a while you become burnt out, and then you just can't keep up anymore. So I think it's not automatically caught.  It's not super evident in women immediately like it is in men. I feel like, especially for women, there's all this pressure to be able to do everything, to carry everything. And after a while, we just hit our limit. We have too many tabs open in our head.” 

Cynthia herself was officially diagnosed at the age of 52 and much of her coaching is informed by personal experience. The diagnosis transformed the way she saw herself.  She has succeeded in turning many years of acute shame, deep frustration and grief into something positive.

CM: “It's not really an issue, it's just a challenge, and it's just our brains work differently.” 

DM: Yes…well understood and appreciated. But in actual practice…how then does one manage the day-to-day rhythms and routine of life?

CM: “It's interesting because I have ADHD, so I have a gazillion systems. I have Excel spreadsheets, I have timers that go off, and I check my calendar at least three times a day. These are some of the systems that work for me, but that doesn’t mean they work for someone else. These systems have been super helpful in my marriage. I don't like to come out and tell people that I have ADHD thus I'm not going to be able to do something, or use it as a crutch. I'm learning systems that work for me and a lot of it comes with setting boundaries and just informing people like, for example, hey, it's better if you send me a list of questions in advance because then I won't be so scared of forgetting words, and I'll feel more prepared. And these are just little things that I have done to let people know. You don't have to start with, I have ADHD.”

Behaviour awareness and management is where an ADHD coach comes in. There is a clear distinction between the roles of a coach, a therapist and a psychologist.

CM: “The psychologist is the person you would see to get tested for ADHD, to help you understand the why behind ADHD emotions, but also to prescribe medication. Psychiatrists are the only ones that can prescribe medication. In terms of therapy, it is really digging into your past. And so you're not only digging into why you feel this way about stuff, but it digs a little bit deeper. In coaching, we’re focusing on the how, we're always forward-looking. Coaching is not therapy and it's not mentoring. It's a collaboration between the coach and coachee and we cover everything that would fall under an ADHD kind of struggle. So that's anything with executive functioning, organization, time management, to name a few. There's a lot of time blindness. So we work together, we talk potential solutions, there's tons of solutions. It's a lifestyle change, and we have to build habits. And habits happen over time. The one thing about coaching is I can hold you accountable…if you want that.”

Cynthia at home with her husband, daughters, and dog.

Cynthia runs her sessions both face to face and virtually. She can be found at www.cynthiamuthyala.com. Follow her on Instagram @cynthiamuthyala and on LinkedIn.

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In a previous life, Devika was a radio journalist and worked for MediaCorp’s 938 LIVe radio channel in Singapore. Before that she was a freelancer for Public Radio in the USA, the BBC and Radio Netherlands’Asia Service. She now teaches Oral Presentation and Business English, but occasionally misses writing and is a volunteer with the AWA magazine.  She was a co-host of the podcast, The Asian Book Shelf.